KNITTERS-DELIGHT



10:02 AM

Sad Clown....

Without giving up too many details, I'm just going to say that I am really sad today. A situation occurred last night that I wasn’t expecting. I don’t know why, since all signs were pointing to it happening, but I still didn’t expect it to happen. Now I’m sad and feel very much alone and misunderstood. We all let people down at some point in our lives, and I’m no exception, but I just wasn’t looking to be let down one more time. After two major failed relationships in my life it would lead one to believe that the heart would become more guarded – in general. I must be a sucker for pain, because I’m still willing to let people into my heart. I know that crafting blogs are for crafting, but it somehow helps to let it out to those who have followed part of one’s life, even if for only the crafting part. I’m just not sure about what to do with myself now. How do you determine the difference between forgiveness and being made a fool? When you ask for one seemingly small thing that you need and you can’t get that, why should you always be the bigger person and let it slide? Sometimes tough love is the only real love that can be offered. Growth can be painful and sugar coating life only gives cavities. I’ve lost my need for a sweet tooth and am plowing ahead – alone.

I feel so STUPID!!!!! Of course my family is off to a Caribbean cruise, so I’m going through this one solo. That’s how it happens for me. Even though there’s others close to me that have offered their ear and concern, they really never understood my choice in the first place. Everyone gets their own opinion, but now that I’m here – I feel more ridiculous and ashamed.

Memorable quote from different Italian – Tony Soprano “Yeah. I find I have to be the sad clown: laughing on the outside, crying on the inside.” More crafting to come – I’ll have a lot more time to do it for sure, now.

20 comments:

brandilion said...

Woman. I love you. I'm calling you at lunch.

ekgheiy said...

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a tough time, and solo at that. Unfortunately, I have no words of wisdom to apply. But I do hope you get through it with your chin up and a pep in your step!!

knitmachinequeen said...

I don't know what you're going through but I do understand about putting it on your blog. We are your long distance friends. I read somewhere about people coming into our lives for different reasons...some long-terms, other short. I am going through a lot right now but my fiance' is very supportive and my sewing/knitting and reading blogs is helping me cope. I too am the sad clown

Rose said...

Try to find the positive in everything. We can learn a lot from our experiences even if they hurt.
I've been there too just recently. Although I'm not ready to jump into a relationship right now, I learned a lot about what I'm really looking for in someone. That way when I run into the right person, I'll know him when I see him.
Stay positive!
Many good wishes to you.

DeltaPurl said...

((Hugs))

FML Crochet said...

I usually just lurk on your blog but thought it might help to comment today. You are an inspirational woman and someone who can truly appreciate you will come along some day. Do not think you are alone, maybe physically, but your cyber friends are here for you. Hugs!

CanarySanctuary said...

I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch. I'm sending well wishes your way.

Melodye said...

There's nothing I can say that will ease the pain of what you're going through. Know that we're here and care for you. Come and vent whenever you need to. (((Hugs)))

LoverofWords said...

why does this sound so much like what is going through my heart and mind right now. I have decided not to marry my longtime boyfriend for this very reason.

I so know how you are feeling. Just remember as long as you are still standing you will make it through.

Omega said...

I'm sorry for what you are going through right now. I have been through some dark tough times in my life and one thing is sure, there is life (and a good life) beyond it. You have to treat your heart like you would a child, hold it close enough to protect it but don't hold it too close that you can't love again. I pray you have the strength to go through to a bright new beginning. Much love!!

April D said...

I'm so sad for you and offer you hugs and prayers. I feel I know your pain all too well. Take care gorgeous girl!

life as I know said...

Hola chica. Lo siento para tu sufrir. I know it's tough today, and it may be for a while to come. But know that it does get better, and there is great love out there for you. You truly are an inspiration to us all, and though many of us have never met in person, you serve a great purpose in our lives. We know your value, and there is none other like you, so hang in there and vent all you want here.

Cas... said...

You're no fool. Anyone who can open there heart to love to only have it rejected isn't the fool. That's for sure.

I've been through some relationships in which I often wonder what was I thinking. But the best thing to is learn from your mistakes. That's the best way to grow.

Keep hope alive.

Faye Lewis said...

Hug from me too. Saying don't feel bad is just not enough. What you described sounds like it fits my "mud puddle theory". I liken this type of thing to falling in a puddle. It sometimes happens to us more than once, but we somehow pick ourselves up, wipe the mud off and keep right on stepping. It'll take a minute, but you can do it!

Ambitious Sewer said...

Hey Girl,
Sorry to see your going through this right now...I can only wish you the best of luck...and coming from my personal experience I learned as time progress things will get better.

MissMasala5 said...

We go through these things yes, but they help us grow. It sucks that it hurts, but the healing will soon come. (((((((hugs))))))

QueenSH said...

I hope the storm passes soon for you. Keep your head up.

Yarn It said...

I am so sorry to hear you are going through a rough time right now. It takes courage to open your heart again after having it broken and I think it is better than being closed off and protective over getting hurt. You are not stupid in the slightest. I just read a really good article on forgiveness. It said that forgiveness really helps the one who is doing the forgiving - forgiveness will help you not hang on to bitterness. It is not a sign of weakness. I will be thinking of you.

Robin said...

I'm really sorry to hear that you are hurting. I'm glad that you feel close enough to us, your online friends, to share, and I hope the pain lessens soon. Hugs!!

cidell said...

I'm sorry. I know some time has passed and it looks like things are patched up. But, I know that these are really hard sucker punches.